What Is This Thing Called Love?

 By Larry Guido

Strange as it may seem to many, I often become confused when I hear the word “love.” Frequently, when people part, end a conversation or leave for a journey, one or the other or both of them usually say, “I love you!” 

Is there anything in particular that happens when those words are spoken?  What, really, does it mean? Is there any significance to the word, “love”? Does it change any one’s behavior or guarantee something unforeseen? Are they simply a few words that have been programmed into our minds and expectations? When we use the word “love” what do we want the other person to think or feel or do?

Far be it for me to answer the question, “What Is This Thing Called Love,” with a response that would satisfy everyone. Without even a moment’s thought we probably agree that it would take a serious discussion or debate to determine its meaning. However, we are entering the “Love Month.” Cupids appear everywhere – on cards and doors, hanging from ceilings, small statues placed on desks, decorations on cakes and even tasty chocolate treats. It seems that every retail store has rack after rack of cards with words that ooze sentimental thoughts and carefully crafted statements that express words that are soon forgotten until the following year. Magazines and books suddenly appear with new found formulas that describe the “perfect plan” to solve relationship problems and end conflicts with spouses, family members and friends. Strange, isn’t it that most of them contain the same suggestions year after year, with authors and designers believing that a different date with different pictures will bring different results that will change how people behave towards one another. 

I wonder if those who stand before the dizzying displays ever take a few moments to try to sort out their understanding of or feelings about the word “love.”  Books have been written about the various meanings and interpretations of the word “love” as presented in different languages and cultures – including the Bible. Yet, it seems that most who are “looking for love” or a way to “explain love” or “define love” or “describe love” want to interpret its meaning from their personal perspective in a way that meets their own individual needs. 

But what is it that I, as a Christian and follower of Jesus Christ, am expected to understand or think or believe or do when it comes to my expression of “love” – especially Christian “love” as demonstrated by Jesus in His life and teachings.

While attending seminary it was my honor and privilege to have Lyn Elder as my major professor in pastoral care for over three years. He was my teacher and mentor and directed my reading and research, led me through the writing of my dissertation, prepared me for my oral exams and invested many hours of his time in preparing me for ministry. His life was an expression of humility and thoughtfulness, compassion and understanding, intellect and scholarship, wisdom and insight. More than any other teacher or mentor in my life, Dr. Elder “walked his talk.”  And, one of his life-long studies was “agapic-behavior” – the Scriptural interpretation and understanding of and actually applying God’s “love” to the ones He brings into the life of Christians.

Dr. Elder had the unique ability to make the complex simple and the simple easy to understand. He would often pose questions to me asking, “Larry, what would you do in this situation to demonstrate God’s love?” He was curious to know if understood and would apply “agapic-behavior” to real life encounters with understanding, sincerity and commitment. When he spoke of “love,” it was always through the “lens” of Scripture and the term “agapic-behavior.” His interpretation of the word “love” would contradict that of most others because it went far beyond ideas and emotions or meaningless statements.  “Love” as he interpreted it from Scripture, transcended feelings about people for whom Christ died or one’s attitude about someone whose behavior is disturbing to them. It was the way Jesus loved and what He always did if He ever saw anyone anywhere at any time who had a need – spiritual, physical, emotional, relational. And, it is what God requires us to do – today and everyday - for or with others who have a need that we see or hear about, can meet and do something about with the time, talents and treasures He has blest us with. Remember, when it comes to “agapic-behavior” – God blesses us with untold gifts so that we, in turn, may bless others!

This “agapic-behavior” was founded and grounded in the life and teachings and work of Jesus. It was ultimately and unquestionably demonstrated on the cross of Christ. And in the final analysis “agapic-behavior” can best be understood as doing something for someone that they cannot do for themselves but they truly need to survive. It eliminates doing the right things for the wrong reason or with impure motives or something that one would do for personal power or recognition or gain. It’s doing something for someone whether I want to do it or not, whether it feels good or not or whether I will be known as one who is nice or good or kind. It is most clearly seen in the way the God providing salvation through the death of His Son on the cross: it’s something we could not do for ourselves – that is, we could not save ourselves, though we needed salvation, and would be damned without access to salvation through the death of Jesus. I cannot save myself but Christ, through His love – His agapic behavior – willingly and obediently died on the cross to make my salvation possible.

By design, God brings individuals into my life who are hard to accept, have different values than me, are not bright or successful, are hungry or smell bad and are unclean, sing off-key, talk too much because they are nervous, are boring or dull, sleep on park benches and under bridges, beg for food with signs at the exit of a freeway ramp, hear voices and see scenes from a war that left them in a wheelchair and unable to walk, interrupt my day at the most inconvenient time. But He brings these who seem to be unlovable into our lives to accomplish His purpose: to show them His love! 

We are to love as the Son of God loved – unconditionally, constantly, continually, passionately and compassionately. Perhaps during this month, the Love Month, we will think new thoughts about love, realize our obligation to God to love others as much He loves us and then reach out – willingly and obediently – to those who need to see His love come to life and do what Jesus would have us to do: demonstrate agapic-behavior.